I don't care. I was wrong. I can admit it.

Today, I tripped. And fell. And no one was there. No one was there to laugh, or reach out their hand to help winded and humiliated me. No one was there later, either, when I spilled my soy chai on my leg, or bought peaches at Fratelli Fresh, or as I drove my lonely self home...

I'm learning new things about Sydney everyday. For one, you can't talk on a mobile phone out in the street. Why? Bloody buses. They are everywhere, which I'm sure is good for people who rely on public transport, but I find it infuriating. I mean, you can't really talk on the phone in the car, and cafes are often loud and plagued music, so when the hell are you able to make a stupid phone call? Secondly, no one was kidding about the fact that Sydney was unplanned as a city. The one way streets drive me insane. The left-only turning lanes. The 'no right turn' signs. The 'no left turn' signs. And then there's the random plonking of Sydney landmarks, which literally are in the middle of nowhere. Bourke St Bakery is famous around Sydney for it's sumptuous breads, tarts, cakes and pastries. Who would have thought it was literally a pokey corner shop down the residential part of Bourke St? I mean, come on, there is literally a queue of people lining up for their goodies all day - you think they could put a little money into remodelling and decor.

You (a Sydney-sider), may argue that this is the beauty of the city. Little nooks of goodness planted everywhere, invisible from the tourist's eye. Not convinced. Sorry. I miss Melbourne. Maybe it's because I grew up there. Maybe because I know it's intricacies. Maybe because I miss my family so much that I feel like I have a hole inside of me. I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. I mean, what is there to get up for? No one will notice if I don't. Like the way I tripped today - no one cares. No one will know about it if they don't read it here. How did this happen? How did my expectations dribble down to wasting away in my bed? You might say 'You need to make an effort.' I might punch you in the face and promptly scream, "there is only so many times you can explore places BY YOURSELF!" I want to go home. I want to sit at Mrs. Fields on a Sunday arvo, reading the paper and knowing that my time of solace is privileged, as there is a loud, wonderful family waiting for me at home. I want, no I need my career to take off. I'm sick of waiting. I need something drastic (good, please, not bad), to happen. As if moving out of home to a new state wasn't enough. I'm an all or nothing girl. It is the unfortunate means to an end for me. I don't want one measly smartie, I want the whole bloody packet, ALRIGHT! And I know, I know, I know what you're smugly saying; "I told you so," in that infuriatingly schmucky tone. I don't care. I was wrong. I can admit it.

So, I'm posing the question, what do I do?

It's not as if I hate it here. Because I don't. It just seems as though everything is an effort. Everything is hard, even blood stupid getting out of bed in the morning, with the knowledge that I have to brave another day, by myself. I love my course. I really do. If I didn't, I would have been home two weeks ago.

So chums, what the hell do I do?